Not Sure If Friendships are Dead or Never Existed
Red flag: For you who always reach out first.
I have friends for seasons. But they’re not counted as people who have my back. Seasonal friends happened at school, university, short course, you named it. They’re part of your growth, but look, they’re not mostly kind like strangers who are happy when you’re telling your good news, who are more willing to celebrate or even support you.
We need friends for a lifetime. To celebrate your moment, success, happiness, promotion, birthday, when you got fired, or when you need a one-day babysitter. That is what I mean by long-term friends. You can count on them.
Unfortunately, friends for a lifetime can’t be planned like you plan your best friend forever in middle school. It happened without a plan. It sometimes is friends you thought will be forever that need to end. Why?
Here I have 4 thoughts about friendships ending.
#1 You always reach out first
It’s not your friend if you are the one who always asking out. Do you know what you are? A fan. It’s how a fan treats their idol. Never got a reply but loyal to the end.
I don’t know if you are so happy to meet them it makes them have no chance to ask you out, or it’s just who you are — you love doing the reach out.
Except, chances are you are not important to them. If that is the case, there will come a day when you are being founded by a new person who appreciates you, who wants to meet you on the weekend, or even call you at the most unexpected times.
That friend will make you forget your old not-so-friend.
Because when you are gone, your not-so-friend won’t look for you. Maybe they don’t even notice your absence. The friendships are one-sided. All this time you were the one who initiated the meet-up.
I am glad if that happened to you. The friendship ending is only for you, not for them. It’s not a friendship ending because it never existed in the first place.
#2 You or your friends move in another direction
Before it ended, we never really knew it ended. We knew it when we are in a new reality or mentality.
Moving in another direction can be downward paths or upwards paths. This friendship somehow becomes low maintenance friend at first until it is really over.
This is ok. I know it sucks just to think about it, but please never be sorry if you meet other people along the way that matches your personality or even your mission. That lovely old friendship is still there in the past. You now need another friendship that aligns with your growth.
Especially if you or your friends in downward paths. It’s crucial not to involve your friends in your shit. If you are a good friend, you won’t tolerate them, and if two or three times you have already helped them but nothing changes, know that it’s ok to leave. You are not influencing their life anymore, it means they need a new friend to influence them.
#3 And if you are growing, you need a different listening ear …
You don’t need a listening ear.
First, because you choose people with who you want to share.
If you just need a listening ear, you can choose random people and talk to strangers. But, it’s not. You choose your circle in the hope that they can support you with your problems. That circle is guaranteed that makes you comfortable talking about anything.
Second, and the most because you want to be understood not to be heard.
To be understood, you need people whom mind you respect. You don’t want to share your particular problems or look for friends for the feedback you don’t need to hear — especially when you know your friends can’t give it to you.
So to make the important decisions about that particular problem, you need somebody who’s you know you can learn from them and you know after you decided that they will support you.
It happens when you are growing. You need new friends who can offer you different perspectives and inspire you to do better.
#4 Friendships ending is normal
I went thru different cities since I was a kid. I cried a lot when I was 9 because I had to move to another city. It means I have to say goodbye to my friends and make new friends. That was the pure reason why friendship should be ending.
You move to a new place, new surroundings, new journey, new adventure without your friends. Think about it made my heart wrench.
However, we experience a lot of people, more than that we experience ourselves. We discover who we are and our preferences. When there’s no room for your growth anymore, you have to let go.
Whatever it is, we have to have friends for long-term investment. But just like seasons, we have friends for that. Short-term friends are great if it matches your preferences. But for you who cherish long-term friends, you should never regret going after what makes you happy: friends who always have your back.
