I Am Happy Alone, Why I Want To Be in A Relationship?
It is the need to share the love I have inside me.
Love comes from inside. If you have love inside yourself, others will see it and want to experience it from you. You are the lights that others want. But to have the love that comes from the inside often comes from the hard experience, or we have learned to look out somewhere else, much more it is because we have been taught it is hard to find love. The latest make us think that love will never happen to us because love is the rarest thing. If it is rare we should accept the fact that it wouldn't happen to us. But shouldn't it be the other way around?
Don’t you want to experience love, do you?
Everybody wants love, but few give it to others. Well if we want love we have to give it first. And it shouldn’t be to your significant other. It can be to your pet. Your plant. Your dreams. Your friends. Your community. Your hobbies. Your food. We can give love to ourselves. To a job that we hate. To the strangers in the street. So what it is that makes us want love?
To get love — which was my misconception.
I used to think that people go into relationships because they want to be taken care of, to feel safe when we don’t have it. To fill the void so we can feel alive. But those reasons lead me nowhere. Because my intention is egoistically for myself. Turns out what I got is more of loneliness. I didn’t know before that when you are in a relationship you can feel lonely too.
The experience was telling me that actually, we can’t go into a relationship if we don’t want to share our love. Because it is the only reason why we are in a relationship. To share our love.
Before we can share our love, we have to make sure that we have it. It matters if you have less love inside you because when you are in a relationship, your love is just not for yourself, but you have to give it to your partner. Can you imagine, one person has less love with one person who also has less love join together? What is left? Less love.
Before I experienced it, I never know the point of a relationship when I can be happy alone. For what? I thought it was to procreate or feel taken care of our sexual needs. I couldn't think of another reason why we want partners for a lifetime.
To have companionship — instead, I can build lasting friends or community.
I have friends that I fell in love with. Everything becomes laughter with her and also I can connect with her, telling her everything. Don’t they are enough? A company is what we want.
The problems happened when friends have to go. We grow apart, some for dreams, and let’s face it we have seasonal friends that we think will add for a lifetime. That was the reason I want to have a relationship. To have company in hoping we can always share our life together. To celebrating. Because who wants to do life alone? We are social creatures.
But let’s face the fact: nothing is guaranteed. Not even your partner. Anything can be gone anytime. So why not build a genuine community that cares for each other? Why not befriended everybody? Why not see it as an opportunity to have many friends? Social ties and a feeling of belonging make us in need of another human. We want to feel needed and we want them to give it to us. We need others. Others need us. It is in our DNA to be useful for others.
To be celebrated – yet I didn’t get it.
I felt it will be adding fulfillment when you can share your happy moment with somebody special. Important days have to be marked with celebration. Final year, the best score, got new job, birthday, valentine's day, new year’s eve, or new resolution. And when people show their exciting life I felt I was left behind.
So I want to be in a relationship where I can celebrate the important days as a mark of another milestone. The motive was to be celebrated. To feel worthy from people validation, that my life is amazing. Until I realized, I still felt lonely though the whole world loves me, when I am not. What counts is the love coming out of myself, not the love everyone has for me. So since that day, I will ask myself, “If no one wants to be a part of my celebration, would I still celebrate it?” The answer is yes. That is when I know I love myself.
Takeaways:
- A relationship is not to get love, but to share the love — the love you have inside yourself. You have so much love you want to give it.
- If we have less love, it makes the presence of others who makes us lonely not aloneness.
- If we are happy in a relationship we still need time alone. If we are happy alone we still need social interactions. Because aloneness is fundamental we need it like we need companionship.
- The love you have for yourself is more important than the love others have for you.
